


Threnody

by bessemerprocess



Category: Spooks
Genre: Gen, Yuletide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-12-25
Updated: 2008-12-25
Packaged: 2017-10-02 20:52:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,089
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10610
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bessemerprocess/pseuds/bessemerprocess
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry is gone and Ros is in charge.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Threnody

**Author's Note:**

> Written for odainath for yuletide '08.

We must embrace pain and burn it as fuel for our journey. -Kenji Miyazawa

Harry is gone and Ros is in charge. Ros is in charge and there is no time to panic, to cry, to grieve. She is in charge and she will push down all those old pains and will set herself to work instead.

The Grid is full of nervous tension, aching sadness, and hovering ghosts, the echoing emotions of her own living charges. Jo has been crying again. Jo knows she has cried more in this last year than she has her entire life. Her face is pale, and her smeared mascara gives her the look of a wounded raccoon; Ros isn't sure Jo can survive Ben's death on top of all the other horrors this year has held, not if Harry is dead too. Jo will survive this as she has survived everything else. Ros is proud of her: she does not let any hint of her inner turmoil spill over in her voice as she works the phones, hoping someone will tell her where Harry Pearce is being held, holding out hope that no one will tell her his body is in a ditch by the side of the road.

Lucas is hard hit by Harry's disappearance as well, but he's better at hiding it than Jo. He's burying himself in the work, sifting through reports and raw data like he's panning for a few delicate flakes of gold in a rushing river. Lucas knows this is useless. He knows the Russians have Harry. He knows they are torturing him.

Ros can see Lucas desperately hoping against hope that something somewhere will allow him to save his boss - his friend - from the same torture he had experienced. She knows Lucas is the only one of them who hopes that Harry is dead and she tries not to condemn him for that. Lucas hopes Harry is dead, because death is safe, and death is pain free, and in death you can no longer be used to hurt those you love. Lucas knows that Harry would agree with him even if Ros does not.

Malcolm is sitting next to Lucas, his head bent towards the monitor, hoping that he will not have to confirm Lucas' worst fear: that Harry Pearce is in the hands of the Russians and that they are torturing him for information. Malcolm knows he will be the one with the confirmation. It is his job and he is damn good at his job.

Malcolm, who had known Lucas before he had been taken, back in the good old days. Malcolm, who'd lived through two other Section Chiefs and so many other agents, everyone changing around him as he stood still, a boulder in the middle of Lucas' rushing river. Malcolm would be surprised to hear Ros think of him as unmovable. In his own head, Malcolm always feels like the weakest link, the one who doesn't belong.

She's mixing her metaphors now, so she must be tired, but being tired has never stopped Ros Myers before. She has so few resources though. Her team is down to three broken people and herself, though whether or not she should also categorize herself as broken is up for discussion. She hopes Harry is still alive, that the sweet lure of his knowledge outweighs any need to see him dead. If he is alive, she can rescue him. If he is alive, she can still have hope. She tries not to because hope lets you down. It's a lesson that has been burned into Ros' heart over and over again. A person can hope but nothing ever turns out the way it should. This year has been terrible for hope; it's been a litany of death. A Grid full to the brim with ghosts.

There was Ben, who died because she didn't know enough. Sweet Ben, who would still be alive if they had not needed him so desperately. Ben had not wanted to die. He loved the job, loved Jo, loved the chase. Ben had loved life.

Connie, who died trying to turn her wrongs into rights. Treacherous Connie, whom Ros would have had to kill if the bomb had not redeemed her. Connie had embraced death. She had let the booming fire wash away her sins, her treasonous acts. She had been prepared.

Adam, who died because she wasn't fast enough. Stubborn Adam, who Ros missed with an ache in her chest every night. His gentle voice, his strong hands, his amazing mind, his grace in bed. Adam, whom she had come as close to loving as she had ever loved anyone and had died anyway. Adam had been content to die. He had spent his life waiting for death, knowing it walked near at every moment. His only regret: not seeing Wes grow into a man.

Older ghosts, too, roamed the Grid. There were people she had known, like Zaf. Even on the worst days, Jo will think of Zaf as he once was, and smile. There were those she had only heard of, like Fiona and Danny. Fiona's name had always put a far away look in Adam's eyes. Danny's name had brought pride to Harry's.

Then there were those she would never even hear stories of. Tom's ghost is an echo. He is there in every order Harry has given, every time Adam has doubted himself, every time Malcolm has touched the marks on the wall from when they'd ripped apart the Grid trying to save a country that wasn't really dying. Tom, more than any of the other ghosts could be felt during a silent moment, in a slightly shallow exhale of breath, in a hand brushing against the desk that had been his so long ago. More than any of the others, Tom ghost haunts the Grid.

If there is anything Ros can do about it, Harry Pearce will not be the next ghost to haunt the Grid. Harry Pearce, who has stood between the United Kingdom and evil, who has saved them all when they most needed it. Harry Pearce who had saved her, had lent her his strength to face her own death and waited there with her until the end that was not an end.

So Ros pulls herself away from her sorrow once again, embraces her pain and anger and outrage, and goes to work. If it is possible Ros Myers will save Harry Pearce and kill every person who has hurt him.


End file.
